If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
