so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize