Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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