Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
