my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
