New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Farmville is her only friend.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
