i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
