fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
they call him Oral-B. enough said
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
