I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
