my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
