You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
