One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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