She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
