I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize