Are we in a gay sports bar?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
