I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
