What a fucking waste of an outfit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
