Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
