I've blown a few things in my day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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