it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
