Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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