I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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