i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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