so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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