Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize