And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
