He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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