dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
