In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
