I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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