And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
