My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
