life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
