Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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