I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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