I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
