everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
