I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
