That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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