apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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