And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
