i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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