He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
