Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
