We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
