I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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