i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
