If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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