Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
