I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
