She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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