it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
