i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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