My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
