yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
