Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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