At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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