It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
