drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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