yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
