More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
