I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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