you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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