On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
