I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
