My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
