i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize