Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
