Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
smell my finger.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
