i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
