we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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