i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize