upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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