I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
worst night to have a conscience
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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