So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
