You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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