so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
