he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
