Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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