i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
