You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
