I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
