hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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