Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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