I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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