Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
