Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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