flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
