They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
