Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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