to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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