i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
