At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
