Plan B is the new Plan A
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
