Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
