You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
