I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
