You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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