I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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