Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
