So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
