She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
