I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Farmville is her only friend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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